Twenty years ago, I witnessed my classmates being sexually harassed by their teachers.

all those who dare to speak deserve respect.

there are much more incidents of sexual harassment in our lives than we thought.

it is not only the parties who are deeply affected by "sexual harassment".

bystanders will also fall into the abyss.

Twenty years ago, I was in the third year of junior high school. My teacher sexually harassed my classmates.

recently, Gao Yan's suicide after being sexually assaulted by his teacher Shenyang has become a hot spot. I was moved and saddened that her classmates did not forget this matter after a lapse of 20 years and sought justice for her.

these days my friend is brushing the screen, and I am also doing it myself, but my inner entanglement does not stop there. Because twenty years ago, I saw my classmate being sexually harassed by my teacher, and I didn't stop it. That scene often appears in my mind so that I have been full of guilt toward my classmates for 20 years, and have been caught in a situation of self-denial and self-doubt.

twenty years ago, I was in the third year of junior high school. Our history teacher, surnamed Huang, is a good lecturer, but he seems to be honest and approachable, so he gets along well with his classmates. While teaching us history, he also serves as the headteacher of another class. Because I like history, I get closer to him.

one day, the first class of the afternoon was a history class, and he was so drunk that he came to class. We stood on the podium for a few minutes, talking in confusion, and we sat off the stage, laughing as if we were watching the western scenery. He was embarrassed and said, "I can't teach this lesson. You can recite it yourself. You can recite it aloud. It's very efficient."

We each memorized our books in a mess.

Mr. Huang sat at the desk for a while, then went for a walk among his classmates. After a few turns, he sat in an empty seat in my front row.

I was reading when suddenly my deskmate nudged me and then pointed to the scene in front of me.

I stretched my neck and saw that Mr. Huang was touching the leg of a female classmate surnamed Cui on the right. Cui was pushing hardback, but Mr. Huang obviously did not flinch and was still trying to keep touching, and the two formed a stalemate.

I was a little embarrassed at that time. In addition to anger, he is entangled with disappointment, doubt, and confusion. In my experience at that time, I had never seen or imagined such a scene.

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I said to my deskmate, "excuse me, I'll swing him a stool!"

my deskmate whispered, "Don't be impulsive, in case classmate Cui doesn't come down."

I think he has a point. At the same time, he thinks that the matter should not be ignored, and at the same time, he worries about whether it is appropriate to hit the teacher. Under such hesitation, the stalemate between Mr. Huang and Mr. Cui has been going on.

about two minutes later, a classmate in front of Mr. Huang turned around and wanted to ask a question. I don't know if the classmate wanted to ask questions, or if he sensed something, so he deliberately turned around to ask questions, but Mr. Huang was obviously angry about the interruption and said loudly, "sit down and read!" Don't look around! "

the classmate said innocently, "I don't know this question!"

Miss Huang patted the table angrily: "how did you listen to the class?" If you listen carefully, how can you not! " -- this is exasperation because the anger is unreasonable.

but after losing his temper, he had to explain the little problem.

after the lecture, the class will soon be over. Mr. Huang got up to announce the end of the class and left.

looking at the figure of teacher Huang leaving, I immediately fell into self-remorse. His assault on classmate Cui lasted under my nose for two minutes, while I did nothing. This kind of self-remorse becomes stronger and stronger with time, so I feel ashamed to face Cui for a long time.

sometimes when I am reading a book or doing a problem, I suddenly feel excited. When I think of that scene, I hate to hammer the wall. When I was halfway through a history exam, I suddenly thought of the scene, so I couldn't write anymore. I blew my nose on the paper, and then handed it in and left. Teacher Huang asked, "what's going on?" I said, "I don't feel well."

for about half a semester, four boys in our row never listened to history class again, and each of them had a copy of The Smiling、Proud Wanderer to pass the time.

after defining myself as a coward in my heart, I fell into this negative non-cooperation.

now, as an adult, I can naturally understand that this kind of non-cooperation is immature and useless, but I couldn't get out of that circle at that time. That low self-doubt didn't ease until I was in high school, but for the next two decades, I still suddenly fell into a kind of bewildered and helpless self-doubt and self-disdain, like a man with heart palpitations walking in a spring park. it's like a sudden blood disorder.

Miss Huang's story is not over. In a history class soon after, a student surnamed Wen clashed with Mr. Huang. I don't remember the exact cause, but it must be a very small thing, and the fault lies with Wen. However, Wen, who had been smiling all the time, not only refused to admit his mistake but also said that Mr. Huang could not come down from Taiwan. Teacher Huang walked down from the podium with a whip in hand and went to Wen, who suddenly shouted, "you still have a stick, do you still want to hit me?"

teacher Huang was enraged and said, "do you think I dare not hit you?" With that, he raised his hand and hit Wen.

the lofty When classmate the was hit, grabbed Mr. Huang's whip with his backhand, made Mr. Huang stumble, and stepped forward to hold down the fight. When the monitor and others saw that the matter was getting big, he hurriedly came up and grabbed the two people. While separating them, he comforted the teacher: "teacher, don't be like a child, don't be angry."

Wen finally scolded: "Damn it, Yellow Dog, hit me again!"

The matter was so serious that it almost went to the headmaster, but it came to nothing in the end. Wen was just called by the headteacher to talk, and there was no punishment. Because although the cause of the incident was his fault, Mr. Huang hit someone first after all.

Wen has never been brave and ruthless, so many students cannot understand his violent departure, because Wen deliberately instigated the conflict.

but my deskmate and I both know that Wen was sitting behind teacher Huang when he attacked Cui, and he witnessed the whole process.

later, Mr. Huang didn't end well. After that semester, he was transferred to the reception room. The cause was that in another class, he could not control his hand, so he was caught on the spot by the students and sued by the headmaster.

the job of the reception room is to send and receive mail and maintain order at the school gate, for example, the school cannot ride a bikes, so it is necessary to stop people who ride bikes into the school. But because his reputation was disgraced, we all deliberately rode our bikes into the campus. He came to stop us, and we bumped into him. He didn't care for a long time, and whenever he saw us coming from afar, he would cleverly hide in the reception room and didn't see us. But some students will even humiliate him face to face: "Yo, Mr. Huang, why are you sitting here?"

Mr. Huang worked in the reception room for about half a semester, then disappeared, and we don't know where he went.

Cui, who was violated at that time, basically lost contact with me after I was in high school. With the advent of social networks in recent years, we have gradually become more and more connected. She is already married, has a son and a daughter, and is a middle school teacher. One year, she invited me and several other classmates to visit her city, and we lived in her house. Her husband looks like a simple and honest version of Chen Kun and is extremely warm to us.

I don't know how Miss Huang's infringement affected her. But as a bystander without a hand, it was the first time I despised myself. Before that, I thought I was smart, smart, versatile and the best of my peers. But after that, I fell into self-denial and felt no different from the coward I had always despised.

people really can't be cowards. As long as you become a coward once, you will never feel at ease again.

because of this, I have deep respect for Li Youyou, Wang ao, and others who can seek justice for Gao Yan. Even after twenty years, they will gather wisdom and strength so that the wicked have nothing to hide and live up to the meaning of their classmates who lived together day and night.