What does what happened to you have to do with others?

once when I was taking the subway, the girl next to me was watching a talent show. By the way, the content is that a young girl began to talk about her musical dream after singing a song, and then talked about a painful life experience. When I was a child, I didn't have a mother. I was brought up by my grandmother. Not long ago, my grandmother also left. Life is difficult, but she always has a dream. I hope the teachers will give her a chance. As I have arrived at the station, I don't know whether the teachers will give her a chance later. I do not consider whether these experiences are true or false, but I just think that such experiences need sympathy and help. At the same time, there is another question: since it is a Sing and talent competition show, what does the contestant's experience have to do with it? Why do you want to get the opportunity in this way? I have a period of work that involves finance and often deals with accountants. She is a girl who has only been working for a year or two and is usually very gentle. When you communicate something, you will reply in time. Once we needed to issue a VAT invoice, and she opened it on the same day after I finished the form.

when I was about to send it to my client, I found that she had misread the remarks. When I asked her why, she said aggrieved, "Last night I quarreled with my boyfriend and stayed up all night, so I was in a bad mood and did things carelessly." I didn't notice the remarks at that time, and now my eyes are still swollen. " When I heard her say this, I didn't have the heart to blame her. After comforting her, I asked her to do the data again. After a while, the unit needed to do an annual financial audit, and she forgot about it. When we found out, she said that she had been ill recently, was not feeling well every day, and that she still had a fever these days. She didn't forget it on purpose. Looking at what happened to the little girl, it was hard to get down to blame. But this time, instead of comforting her, I asked her to think, why is it that every time I do something wrong, I don't quarrel with my boyfriend, or I don't feel well?  is it because of what happened to you that you made a mistake, or whether you took it as a shield because you made a mistake?  in her case, it is the latter. She also admitted that my analysis was correct.

I would sympathize with your situation if you quarreled with your boyfriend and got sick, but what does this have to do with our work? These things do not recover any loss to the job. I am so sensitive to such a situation because I worked for the vice president of the company a few years ago. Once we received an order of hundreds of thousands of US dollars, and at the time when the order still had a week to ship, the factory cooperating with the production was on holiday. Our production time is calculated daily, and we have to compensate the guests with 10% of the order value every night. This result is too much for our company to bear. After learning about the situation, I learned that it was because the factory director's father had died. After returning to the factory a few days ago, the factory director was depressed and did not arrange work every day. After repeated procrastination, the workers stopped working.

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I remember clearly that the vice president called the factory director at that time and said that he could understand his painful feelings very well, but the production could not be delayed. A few days later, our company will have to pay reparations to the guests, and then some of us will not be able to live. The factory director of the other party is still talking about the pain of the departure of his loved ones on the phone and is not in the mood to arrange work. The vice president said calmly: as a partner, I sympathize with your feelings, but as a responsible person, you can't leave so much work to delay your customers' orders because you are in a bad mood. It has become a fact that your father is gone. You don't want to hand over your work power to others, and you have to affect more people's lives because of your own emotions. This is not the performance of a responsible person. 

I have decided that after the production of this order, we will not cooperate with your factory again. After listening to the words of the vice president, I was very surprised at that time. On the one hand, I feel that some words are a little ruthless, and on the other hand, I think the factory director will be more reluctant to work. 'if that's the case, we'll have to find other factories in a short time and ship as much as we can, 'the vice president said. If we can't finish, we should compensate the guests for the loss, which is the responsibility we should bear. Just like today's factories, it is their responsibility to finish the order on time, and they should not shirk their responsibility because of some unexpected circumstances of individual people. When I faced the actions of my accountant sister, I remembered again what the vice president had said. The keyword is: take responsibility. She was unwilling to admit that she had made a mistake when she did not read the materials carefully, nor did she want to admit that she had forgotten the time for the annual review.  seems to have many reasons, but in the final analysis, it is evading the problem.

later I went to learn more about these phenomena. Psychologist Wu Zhihong has a definition of this situation in his book "Thank you for your imperfections" called  "scapegoat fans". He said that once there was a young man who asked him for advice who always wanted to be a free man and was not satisfied with his present job. As long as she is unhappy, she feels that her work prevents her from pursuing her ideal. Then she quit her job and thought life was too realistic. There is no income, a lot of things can not be done, but also feel that the ideal is too unreal. In this way, he has been anxious about his entanglement for a long time. In the book, Mr. Wu said that this is an obvious way to evade the immediate problem, and it is also an act of unwillingness to take responsibility. 

The draft contestants, the accountant sister, the factory director, and perhaps you, me, and him, the people around us always make mistakes and have unexpected situations, the first thing that comes to mind is not the immediate problem, but "I was miserable, I quarreled with my boyfriend, I have relatives left, I have ideas to realize," and so on. Should we seriously think about what these things have to do with people other than you? Do we comfort ourselves with these things, or look forward to forgiveness or sympathy from others? does it help you with what you are facing? I very much like the phrase ": I take care of your freedom, you take care of your response" that is highly praised within the Decathlon Group. Sibility. I interpret it as: I respect your freedom and you value your responsibilities.