You can't always be sacrificed.

seems to be getting harder and harder to be moved by some "romantic" stories.

my friend is quite happy recently because his girlfriend quit her job in her hometown and came to live with him in Hangzhou. Of course, I congratulate him on the end of his long-distance relationship for many years and being able to live a life of cohabitation without shame. But on the other hand, it is inevitable to think, why most of the time, it is girls who give up their work and life?

everyone must be very familiar with this segment. Campus love will inevitably go to a fork in the road. For better development, for a stable job, and the expectations of the family, what to do? long-distance love can be done for a year or two, but no matter how long it is, if you don't go, you have no choice but to break up, and every time like this, what I see is that girls are desperate for love and start all over again.

sounds romantic, but it's really hard to feel reassuring.

I certainly don't cite love stories with extreme tragic endings. I just want to talk about the consequences of sacrifice in love.

A few years ago, I shared rent with a little sister, and then her boyfriend moved to Hangzhou and lived with her. Because she had just arrived and didn't have a job, the girl was responsible for the basic expenses, including monthly rent and expenses for going out to play. In fact, at that time, everyone had just graduated and didn't have much money, so I occasionally heard them quarrel because the boys always played games at home.

later, when we went out for a walk, we talked about it. "it's very difficult to do," she said. "every time we quarreled, my boyfriend would say, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have come to Hangzhou."

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this is supposed to be romantic, but it turns into an invisible "moral kidnapping" when used in a quarrel.

I said, if he doesn't come, will you leave Hangzhou?

she said: probably not, because the development of Hangzhou is better, which is a fact and one of the reasons why he came. The job he can find here is 4-5 times the original salary.

I said, what will happen to you if he doesn't come and you don't leave?

she said: it's possible to break up, no one can maintain a long-distance relationship all the time, and everyone is old enough to start thinking about getting married, and I feel like I'm not as dependent on him as I used to be.

so, it is the boy who is worried that he will break up, and it is the boy who has changed, and it is also the boy who makes his own choice, but in the subsequent quarrels, he takes his efforts as a "kidnapping" that demands a return.

this may sound cold-blooded, but there is a very simple principle in love: those who can't accept the result will change; those who can't accept the breakup will take the initiative, and those who suffer will solve the problem.

you can't choose for yourself, but also be the hero who saves love.

have you found that most of the time, the sacrifice in love brings "demons"?

I have given up my job for you, how can you not reply to my message;

I have changed so much for you, why can't you change a little bit for me;

I have spent all kinds of late nights preparing gifts for you, how can you forget the anniversary;

I have paid all for you, why can't you delete other members of the opposite sex from your phone?

the giving and return in love are never equal, and it is difficult to achieve reciprocity, because when everyone is caught up in the "plot of sacrifice", they will feel that they are the most infatuated in the world. No matter what the other party does is wrong, no matter how much it is not enough.

A friend once told me that she had been preparing for her boyfriend's birthday for a long time and learned to cook cakes and collect his favorite ones. As a result, on his birthday, he sent a bottle of perfume, which was too careless. She was sad for a long time and judged that he didn't love him enough.

but honey, it may be a little hurtful, but the other person didn't ask for it.

some efforts in feelings will accidentally turn into a self-moving farce.

I fully agree with what teacher Luo Xiang said: true love must not be moved in a moment, but must be a lasting commitment, mutual sacrifice, mutual achievement, and mutual respect.

but true love is also rare, and Synchronized love for each other is even less.

what we can do, most of the time should be to make our own choices and take responsibility for our actions. If you want to be good to a person, you should learn to be good to others without "utilitarianism" and those who do not expect results. This is also a state of responsibility to yourself.

Don't always say "I did it for you", but "I do it for myself".

because we give to others, we can also get satisfaction and happiness from it. Doing what you can for your loved ones has been worth being happy for a long time. To give up your job and go to love, but also to make sure that in the new city, also can live alone.

only when we do this can we fall in love and be free.

you can choose whether to withdraw or not to give, but the sacrifice will always be tragic and burdensome.

even if you love passionately and actively, even if a moth is on fire, tell yourself, and tell each other an attitude: I love you now because you are worth it, and I am willing, if this love is gone, I can take back this giving at any time. The choice and initiative are in my own hands!